Nerves of Jelly...

I am happy

because

I"m nervous

And

when

I'm nervous

I feel all ajitter

all

aclitter

clatter

like plates

piled high

threatening to lean and crash into the ground

leaving behind such bang blast clang clamour

I feel like a nail

and the world is a hammer

that in the end

I

am

the end

of the blow

only to sink further into mortality

with each blow of the inevitable world

All this

because

a boy and a girl

merged bodies

one moment

in time

is my mortality

their gift? or their crime?

maybe I'll make my decision

in time.

in time.

but in the meanwhile

I am

happy

because

i'm nervous...

--------------------

Epilogue:

I notice that when I'm excited about the future, I can get quite aggitated. When I can't predict what's going to happen, I can get very happy. What I like about moments like those is the realisation that everything is possible. The unpredictability gives me no time to pause. I cannot imagine the future. It may be wonderful, sweeping, huge.

(At other times, I'm nervous and depressed because I don't know the future. And wished I did. Especially in regards to job security and rent being due. This is when I'm less than happy.)

But when I see endless horizon this is a good time for me.

In the deluge of epic possibilities I feel nervous and attracted to the visions of change.

With this documentary I am quite excited that we will be putting something to film that is enduring. Something that comes from a deeply felt truth.

I believe all stories contain an element of truth. But do the people in the story truly believe their roles? Their contribution to their own tales?